Grief
by LDT5413
Summary: They say grief has five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. For Payson Keeler there was only numbness and heartbreak.


They say grief has five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. To Payson Keeler there was only numbness and heartbreak. What should have been one of the happiest day of her life quickly turned into the most heartbreaking one. As the lights on the ceiling glared down at her she shut her eyes tightly to try and block out the harsh heat. She reached out her hand and gripped the familiar much larger one in her own as if she could take away the last forty-eight hours.

It should have been the happiest day of her life, aside from her wedding day. She opened her eyes and was met three sets of eyes staring back at her nervously. They approached her as if they would a wounded animal. She may as well have been as lost and empty as she felt.

Kelly being the most outgoing out of the three, stepped forward before glancing to Payson's left as if asking permission to break the tense silence. When her companion stiffly nodded Kelly swallowed roughly before speaking. "Is there anything that you need or want us to do?"

Payson sighed as she glanced down at the larger hand resting on her leg. She slowly followed the lean tan arm, up towards his strong shoulders until she met his ice blue eyes. She turned back to Kelly after a split second before shaking her head. "No. I'm fine."

Payson kept repeating the mantra in her head over the following days hoping that it would eventually have some truth to it. As she left the hospital behind her one single tear fell before she stared at the trees outside her window.

Her body went rigid each time she walked past the door leading into the spare bedroom. She would close her eyes and keep pretending that nothing has changed and that everything was normal. She glanced into the living room and spotted her wedding picture on the mantle. In a fit of fury she threw the picture against the wall in the hopes of releasing some of her anger and pain. If she wasn't married than the pain she was feeling wouldn't even be existent in her life. She sighed and went over to pick up the broken frame. Her eyes swam as she looked down at the two year old photo. She took notice of the tall blonde by her side holding her protectively. She sighed again before picking up the shards of glass from the floor. She rose up and went towards the kitchen only to smack into a hard chest. She glanced up into the familiar light eyes of her husband and tried to move around him. Many years of training, competing in the Olympics, and coaching gymnastics honed his reflexes to be much quicker than hers. He grasped her shoulder and tried to get her to talk to him, but she tried to move out of his reach. The force of her movements caused the shards to dig into her skin. She glanced down to see blood running through her closed fingers. She watched mesmerized as the stream of blood slid down her hand and onto the wooden floor.

She was pulled out of her daze by a smooth British accent. "Damnit. Love I'm sorry. I didn't know you had glass in your hand."

Payson shook her head before she was lightly dragged into the kitchen. She watched numbly as her husband shoved her hand under the faucet to clean the wound. It was silent for a few minutes as the wound was cleaned and bandaged until the silence broke.

"So are you going to tell me why our wedding picture was pitched against the living room wall?"

Payson sighed before staring into those beautiful eyes. The eyes that at one point could have taken away all her pain and misery. She shrugged before moving to the kitchen table. "If we weren't married then none of this would have happened."

She heard a quick intake of breath before she felt his shadow loom over her. Even after years of training together, dating, and marriage his presence was still a demanding one. "What are you talking about Payson?"

She looked up to see hurt flash in his eyes before she glanced down at the oak table top. "If we wasn't married we wouldn't have wanted dreams and a family. If it wasn't for _you_, I wouldn't have to go through this."

Payson regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She saw as a single tear fall from the man that was her rock and protector; she finally saw her unshakable husband break. She swallowed roughly before glancing back up. She expected to see her husbands figure, but she was met with empty air. She sighed as she made her way back into the bedroom. She bit her lip when she came face to face with the legend she grew up wanting to be like. She approached him how her friends did all those weeks ago: like a wounded animal.

Her voice was regretful and filled with sorrow when she broke the silence. "I didn't mean that...about it being your fault. It was both of us really...more my fault than yours really. It couldn't have happened without either one of us...so it's not your fault."

"I just...I know you're hurting Payson. I can understand that because I'm hurting to."

Payson slowly went over to the bed and sunk down on the soft mattress before wrapping her arms around the muscular man beside her. "I'm just so angry all the time. We've been through so much to get where we are now. So many people hated you in the beginning for being with me. So many people ridiculed my wins in 2012, even my family did at first. So why this? Why after all the pain and hardships do we have to go through something as devastating as this?"

She felt a sigh ruffle the hair on top of her head and inhaled the comforting scent of ceder and gym chalk before she felt arms encircle her, bringing her down to lay on the mattress. "Things don't happen for no reason love. There's a reason for everything. Maybe we just aren't ready yet. We both are busy with The Rock and with Rio coming up soon...it just wasn't time."

Payson sighed before rolling out of the embrace. "Damn it. I could have been. I would give anything to go back two months and change something. Anything that could have helped or changed the outcome. I would give all my awards and trophies just to go back."

Another heavy sigh before the smooth accent cut through the silence again. "Love...I know. I would do anything and give up just about anything to go back. The fact is we...we can't change the past. No matter how hard I try to go over that day in my head we didn't see it coming...I couldn't have gotten to you sooner even if I tried. It was just...a horrible situation."

Payson glared before throwing herself back onto the pillows. No she couldn't change anything and no she couldn't go back, but it still didn't take away the hurt and pain she was feeling. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep as she felt arms encircle her body.

The smell of chalk assaulted her senses as she timidly made her way through the doors. She rolled her eyes as every gymnast stopped to stare as she made her way towards the office. She was at the bottom of the stares before she heard her familiar husbands voice bellow at the gymnasts toget back to work. Hearing him bark orders caused a tiny smile to form on her lips. Something so small brought back so many good memories from when she was training here at The Rock. She slowly made her way up the stairs to stand on the small balcony overlooking the gym. She leaned immediately into the body next to hers as she glanced up to stare in two pools of light eyes. She saw her face reflected in his eyes as she tried to decipher the emotions shining through.

He smiled down at her softly before tracing his fingertips over her jaw and bringing his hand to the back of her neck. He smirked slightly before raising his eyebrow. "Um...not that I'm complaining love, but what are doing here? You haven't been here in months, not since-"

She sighed before glancing down at the gymnasts on the floor. "I know...I know. Sitting at home isn't going to change anything. I woke up this morning and realized I haven't been here in _months_. Not days or weeks, but months. When that hit me it made me want to get up and do something...anything. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm stronger than this...we are stronger than this. I know I can't changed what happened, but...we have a future to look forward to."

She watched as a smile formed and tears pricked at the corners of the eyes she'd came to love. For the first time in months she willingly fell in her husband's embrace, letting him hold her just because. Payson smiled when it didn't bother her. She pushed on his chest and stared in his eyes before biting her lip nervously. "There's somewhere I have to go first."

She watched as a sadness and understanding crept into her husbands smile. He nodded before blowing out a slow breath. He glanced at the clock and nodded. "We can go now if you want. It's almost lunch time anyway. I'll let them go a few minutes early. They'll love that."

Payson smirked before nodded. As she was leaning against the side of the car she toyed with her wedding band. She knew that this was the final step in her closure. Healing maybe not, but closure and acceptance was the two major things that she needed...that they both needed... to move on and start new. She jumped slightly when she heard heavy footsteps heading towards her. She smiled when she felt a rough hand under her chin.

His accent that she'd came to love over the years floated to ears nervously. "Are you sure about this love? If not we can...go somewhere else."

She took a deep breath before meeting his eyes determinedly. "No. I have to do this. You don't have to come, but I have to do this to get some closure."

She watched his head shake before his eyes sliced into her soul and to the center of her heart. "No. We need to do this together. I have to do this to really accept this and what we've had to go through." His lips quirked into the smirk that Payson loved before continuing, "Besides I get to spend more time with you."

Payson rolled her eyes before getting into the car waiting to leave. A few short minutes later they pulled up onto the side of the drive way and got out. Payson stared around at all the beautiful flowers and inwardly shivered. She always wondered how a beautiful place filled with flowers and trees could be so eerie. She bit her lip before reaching for her husbands hand as some form of comfort. She sighed in relief when she felt his arm wrap around her shoulder to bring her closer to his side.

She knew that he wouldn't start moving unless she took the first step. She tentatively walked towards the small tree fifty yards in front of them. Once there she glanced down at the small dog etched into the smooth marble stone. She let a few tears fall before she buried her head in the strong chest next to her. She was barely aware of words from another familiar language lulling her into some comfort. She sighed before pushing back and wiping at her eyes. She sighed before she knelt down next to the smooth marble, placing a single rose at its base. Her eyes and fingers traced the name etched into the stone with great care.

_Ecaterina Nadia Belov_

_May 5, 2016 – May 6, 2016_

_Light of our lives_

_Champion of our hearts _

After a few silent minutes she picked herself up from the ground and brushed her tears. She felt a hand on her shoulder before she turned and wrapped her arms around the strong stable body that supported her. She felt his fingers run through her hair and heard his whispered words of love. They stood there for what felt like hours before they both turned back towards the marble stone.

She watched as her husband knelt down and placed his hand on the rough engraving before murmuring one single sentence softly and soothingly. " Vă vom iubi mereu fiica noastra preţioase. Mereu si mereu."

She watched as he brushed at his eyes before standing back up and walking towards her. She wrapped his arms around her and turned their backs to the marble stone one final time. "You ready?"

Payson knew he wasn't just asking if she was ready to go. So many questions was clear as day in those two small words. She thought for a moment of what his question meant. Yes she was ready to move on from the pain and heartache and yes she was ready to start over. She glanced up and smiled slightly before nodding. As they made there way to the car and back towards The Rock, Payson knew that she could get through anything as long as her and her husband faced it together.

**AN: Yea I had a crappy weekend so I figured I'd write to get all the pain out. My dog bit the dust and two of my former friends from high school was in an accident over the weekend so you can these past few days kind of sucked. I was kind of inspired by flowerchild's 'The Life After' and all the pain and sadness that went in that (Great author btw). I didn't want to give the name of Payson's husband at the end because I didn't mention him by name in any other part of the story. Obviously if you know who I ship and how I write you'll be able to know who it is. Not only that the name on the tomb stone kinda gave it away to. Anyway let me know what you guys think. It only takes a few seconds to review and leave some form of comment. For those of you who are interested Love and Sacrifice will be updated by the end of the week. So leave me a review and happy reading.**


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